


Not As Advertized: The Dwobbit Special

by FannishMinded



Series: HKM Fills [4]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Ad Dissonance, Bilbo has no clue, Crack, Dub Con due to miscomunication, Dubious Consent, Dying race, First Episode Spoiler, Hopeless auditionees, M/M, Mood swings in readers, Mpreg, No Beta, Only you can repopulate my race, Other, Polyamory, Spoilers, TV tropes challenge, but - Freeform, but not at the same time, everyone consents to the sex, psuedo religion, unintentional trolling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-31
Updated: 2015-01-31
Packaged: 2018-03-09 21:04:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3264356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FannishMinded/pseuds/FannishMinded
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ask and yea shall receive- Fannish is finally porting her HKM fics to AO3.</p><p>This is a TV tropes challenge. I hit random 5 times, and cackled even as I groaned. I didn't want to write this ficlet. But I needed to. </p><p>Caution, in this fic there is- well, read the tags. It should hopefully not be triggery, but some miscommunication happens with that "Repopulating my race" thing.</p><p>Originally posted: http://hobbit-kink.livejournal.com/7346.html?thread=16590514#t16590514</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not As Advertized: The Dwobbit Special

Bilbo had been through more in the past months than any Hobbit in recent history.

He had fought an Orc, outwitted Trolls, riddled with a monster in the dark and escaped a goblin city. He had outrun wargs and dined with elves.

He had saved a king and ridden on the back of an eagle.

None of that held a candle to the incredibly awkward task that was being all but demanded of him now.

He wanted to say that it was a dream.

It wasn't though.

Thorin Oakenshield, was asking him to, help him have a child. Help all the company, have children.

Bilbo had not realized just what he was walking into when he had huffed that while hobbits may breed like rabbits, they were not in fact rabbits. It was just some harmless teasing, and he was playing along.

He had sought to bring some humor on an overplayed joke, and instead he had made himself into something alien and a prize to be coveted. A resource. Where once Bofur had joked with him, and Thorin had begun to treat him as an equal, now all that any of his friends could think of was his fertility.

Especially after it had come out that Hobbit males and females both could conceive. When asked how many children a hobbit might have, Bilbo had jokingly asked in return if they were asking about a nice small family between wife and husband, or a large family between eager husbands? The more serious discussion that followed had changed the dwarves.

Even Gloin and Bombur, both happily wedded, changed how they acted. What they wanted from him.

Bilbo sighed and looked over to the door leading back into the room that Thorin and the others had arranged with Beorn. It was time to do this.

He had promised to do what he could for his friends. What they asked now, was no more dangerous than fighting orcs, or dragons, for that matter.

If slightly more distasteful to him personally, he could not stand to see such despair in his friends eyes. Such painful longing and need.

At least they had secured Beorn's blessing to stay long enough for, everything to come to fruition.

Evidently Skin Changers were also children of Yavanna. As such, the giving of fruit was well understood. And honored.

A part of him wondered if the Dwarrows really understood what they were asking for, but as they had all insisted that they wanted to not delay, he went along with their eagerness.

Bilbo huffed and straightened his too large robe one more time before pulling the door open, and going to help his friends. 

Thorin was leaning against the headboard of the bed, his own body naked, lightly furred all over. Bofur and Dori stood nearer to the foot of the bed, in too large shirts loaned by Beorn, for this evening's ritual.

All three of them sported half hard cocks and Bilbo quirked a small smile at that, before asking again, "Are all three of you very sure you want a child? With me? You can't go back on this, once a hobbit's soil is seeded, it will grow no matter the source. Yavanna ensures that as her blessing to her children."

Thorin nodded solemnly. "We are Mahal's children. We are made of stone, and need you, a child of Yavanna, who as proven your mettle as strong as ours, to help us create life from barren rock. We all three want to make children with you, and give thanks for the chance."

Thorin's majestic words, almost perfectly fit to a ritual he could not really know, were a bit ruined by how his cock now stood firmly and proudly. Obviously the talk of sex, even in a roundabout way was making Thorin quite ready to go.

Dori and Bofur were not far behind if the large tenting of their respective tunics was anything to go by.

Bilbo nodded to himself before slowly coming to rest between the two standing dwarrows. "By Yavanna's grace, I will give and take seed tonight to make the fruit of tomorrow. By the glow of morning light, three new seeds will find fertile soil. I will give my claim on the fruits to you, as Yavanna gave her first seven fruits to Aule."

He slowly pulled the belt loose before letting Dori and Bofur slide it off.

As he leaned in close Bofur whispered to Bilbo, a worried look in his eye, and a soft lingering touch to the hobbit's soft shoulder. "Are you sure you can- can take the seed of all three of us, lad?" Bilbo shook his head once but smiled a real smile as he gently patted Bofur's hand and whispered back "Yes, I'm not as young as I once was, but three should be quite manageable, if a bit tight. I have never, done this before. Hopefully I will be much more prepared next time, as this will be good practice."

Bofur's eyes widened and he yelped out "yer first time, lad, why didn't you-" Bilbo flushed but a bit of pique entered his tone. "Would it really have mattered? I am unwed, by choice. I choose now to help you. Not because a king ordered, or a race needs me, but because you are my friends, and this is a gift I can give." Bilbo's eyes flared and all three Dwarrows looked as stunned and awed as they had at the base of the Misty Mountains, before the Wargs had started howling.

Thorin recovered and spoke up first. "Bilbo, when I think you have finally shown all your mettle, you surprise me again. Please, join me here, I swear, we will be gentle. And we will never forget your sacrifices for us."

Bilbo grumbled and then nodded trying to get back into the mindset to do what needed doing. He looked down at his own feet for a moment before looking up to them, a flush creeping up his cheeks toward his ears. "Alright. So, to, well, you all drank from the cup, right?" 

"Aye, lad, we drank from your cup, and you from ours." Dori said it, a slight smile on his lips. The idea of drinking another's semen an odd thing, but far be it for them to question the rituals that allowed a male to conceive. Both Beorn and Gandalf had mentioned that not only was it possible for hobbit males to have children with or by any gender or race of partner, but that hobbits were the closest of all Yavanna's children to the giver herself, and that their magic was that of growth.

All the Dwarrows had been shocked when Bilbo had said that he would help three of them with child now, and would help all of them that wanted it, eventually. Bilbo would certainly need that growth, they all agreed.

Dori himself could hardly believe that after so many years with no hope of a child of his own, that his child would be conceived, and share a direct link with, the child of King Thorin. While Bilbo had said he was going to give each child to the sire, the fact remained that Bilbo would be carrying all three at once. And that, then, each child would be a sibling of the others.

Dori helped Bilbo steady himself as he climbed into the massive bed, and then helped steady him again as he moved to straddle Thorin. He could see that Bilbo had worked oil into himself, but as the lad had said, he was a virgin, no matter how much he had prepared... "Are you sure of this position, lad?"

And again that flush, combined with a huff of irritation. "No seed can go to waste, from any of us, tonight. So, it will have to be this way. Like lovers, though we aren't."

The lad said the last, while looking down at Thorin's own chest. However, as Dori watched, a sad look and a darting of eyes betrayed a wish that things were different.

Dori looked away at that. It was a little unfair, the Hobbit was helping them all, when even just having so many children with the one he loved would have been a boon.

But they could not let themselves turn away the chance. So many different children, would keep the bloodline options open. It would be a nightmare to keep this many children from pairing between themselves.

He returned to watching as the groaning and wet slick slide slowly picked up speed. The almost scarily small hobbit rode Thorin's girth like he was born to it. And from the look on Thorin's face, he was not going to last long. Bilbo had become comfortable enough to pick up some real speed in lifting and dropping himself, only to have Thorin grab his hips and pull them tight together, a curse strangled in his throat as he came embarrassingly early. What an unfortunate first time.

Bilbo seemed to agree as he whined low in his throat and jerked his own cock, hips rolling, Thorin groaning from over-stimulation for another moment before Bilbo came with a choked cry. He rubbed the semen over and into the thick hair of Thorin's lower belly, rubbing it in like an ointment before leaning forward with a groan to recover his breath.

Bofur and Dori both waited for their turn. Their little hobbit was quite the trooper, for barely had their sweat cooled when Bilbo was moving to the side and reaching out to Bofur. 

Bofur eagerly wiggled into place after stripping his over-sized shirt off in a single tug. The moonlight streaming in through the skylight worked to make Bilbo look like some fey creature for a moment, less mortal, and more spirit, in ways not even elves were, but when Bofur leaned forward to steal a sloppy kiss the shadows and light revealed their burglar.

Just Bilbo, sputtering and shoving Bofur back, to Bofur's delighted laughs, and the amusement of Dori. Bilbo guided Bofur to lie back beside where Thorin lay out on his back still.

Bofur caressed Bilbo's body, tweaking nipples and gently stroking Bilbo's own soft belly, murmuring to himself "My seed'll be joining in there." Bilbo snorted out a laugh and shook his head a bit before leaning up and resting his hips just above Bofur's, ready to slide back and onto Bofur in just a little bit. "Yes, it will. And then I will see that it blooms and give you your fruit to nurture. The moon's light is waning though, so we need to hurry."

That said, he bit his lip and reached behind himself, sliding Bofur's own flared head to rest along his entrance, before sliding down, slowly, breath hitching every few finger-widths he slid down. Bilbo and Bofur's groans mingled as Bilbo sat fully flush with Bofur.

Bofur played with Bilbo's half hard cock, pulling and tugging on it even as he leaned up to lick and nibble and suckle Bilbo's own nipples for a bit before Bilbo swore and pushed him back to lay flat. "No, you, stay on your back, the moon needs to stay on you, how else can the seed know to travel?" Bofur looked up at him with a quirked brow and a crooked grin but did as told.

Bilbo rewarded that by starting to slowly lift himself again, slowly building up speed. Bofur, unable to play with the delightfully tempting nipples that dangled and bobbed before him on Bilbo's soft pecs, instead focused his attention on pleasing Bilbo's cock. Bilbo used this extra help to lean back, using his hands to brace on Bofur's slightly raised knees, using his entire body to lift and push himself up and down, slowly pulling picking up speed, his body trembling on every push up, and a low whine building on every descent, skin slapping into skin as Bofur slowly lost himself in Bilbo. Hand moving faster, Bofur came hard into Bilbo, slamming his hips up and jerking Bilbo even as he came, not stopping till Bilbo jacknifed forward and came with a shout a few moments later.

Again, Bilbo rubbed in the sprayed semen, scraping and pulling it to over the base of the belly before rubbing it into the skin under the hair.

It was the second time he had done the same deliberate thing. Dori was willing to bet that in a little while his own belly would be so painted.

However his goal was to try and make Bilbo cum before he spent himself. It really was shameful that both of Bilbo's first partners had spent themselves before satisfying the lad.

Dori gently used Bofur's, well Beorn's shirt, that Bofur had been wearing, to slowly dry Bilbo's back. He set to softly massaging Bilbo's now much dryer back as he recovered his breath.

Bilbo let loose a low groan of pleasure, before half heartedly batting Dori away. "Go, other side of Thorin. Please, I'll be there in a few moments."

Dori clucked his tongue but did as bade. He stripped off the shirt and laid back, spreading and bending his knees to be a better support for Bilbo, and placing his feet flat on the bed. He looked over at Bilbo, and watched him crawl over on trembling legs. Dori's eyes narrowed again as he clucked again with his tongue, wanting nothing more than to cradle Bilbo and gently take him, face down so he could rest, so his first time was not this grueling marathon, in the worst position for a first virgin.

Bilbo took in the position Dori had put himself in and gave a low half choked sound of appreciation before leaning over Dori for a moment as he moved to carefully straddle the silver haired hips.

"Thank you, Dori. I, appreciate it. I apologize, if I'm not quite as, energetic yet, I'd try to nap, but the moonlight is fast leaving." Dori didn't know the exact use of the moonlight in this all, but he knew that Bilbo seemed to need it, so he gently caressed the soft and bare cheek of his, partner for the evening. His only bedded dwarrowdam, in a way.

"Do you trust me, Bilbo."

Bilbo looked confused, tired eyed meeting compassionate ones, and Bilbo's brow furrowed. "Of course, you've carried me down a cliff side, I trust you with my life." Dori smiled and then gently slid his hands down Bilbo's body to cup and hold his hips. "Then, can you trust me to carry you here?" Bilbo's eyes widened, but when he looked up to the skylight, he saw that the moon was touching the side of the window, soon to take it's light, and when he looked back down, he looked both scared and resigned.

"I, yes. Just, gently, please, at first, I, this is taking more out of me than I had thought it would." Bilbo said haltingly, his hands resting on Dori's own biceps, as Dori nodded his understanding, then made an offer that pained him as a dwarrow, but also was needed as a dwarrow and Bilbo's friend. "Do you want to stop? You have two already, if it's a strain now-" "Dori, it's, it'll be fine, just, go slow." Bilbo cut him off. He gave a tired smile, and reached behind to gently hold Dori's cock steady as he slowly guided himself back to a good position.

Dori felt that awe again, for Bilbo's compassionate willingness. He gently guided Bilbo's hips up, mindful of each tug and motion from Bilbo, as he lifted and slowly sunk Bilbo onto him, in a slow, near teasing slide, moving at a snail's pace as the raw wet heat of Bilbo's entrance fluttered around him, opening slowly to take him.

Bilbo's own eyes falling closed as a caught keening built in his throat. Dori wanted nothing more than to thrust, but instead, as they came together he said "Tell me, if something is too much, I want to see you have the pleasure you deserve."

Bilbo made a low sound and nodded, saying "I'm good, it's good, raw, too full, too often, but, good. Move?" And Dori used the same strength that could cow Dwalin and Bifur at the same time to gently start raising and lowering Bilbo, arms barely straining as he moved Bilbo, fucking him slowly and carefully, like he would if he were on top of Bilbo, just doing it vertically instead of horizontally. 

He shifted the angle of the hips, searching for the little nub inside, making Bilbo gasp, and then thrash, tightening on him with every bouncing thrust. "Dori, Dori, oh, Yavanna, Dori, please" Bilbo began to babble and Dori worked harder, urging Bilbo to let go with his thrusts but adding his words to it as well.

"Touch yourself Bilbo, cum for me, on me." Bilbo started to reach then shook his head violently, keening louder, a broken wailing sound as that became a half shout "No, please, need- you to cum first, please, please can't take much more, please, cum in me, hurry" tears streaming down soft cheeks, and the last thing Dori wanted was to cause distress.

He felt himself wilt a bit, which only made Bilbo keen with real distress, looking down and shaking his denial "No, Please, you have to give me fresh seed, to combine, please, please, pour into me, please, Dori!"

Dori couldn't deny Bilbo, not when he was begging like that. Dori closed his eyes,focusing on just cumming, on letting go, and then with a short roar, he was filling the slippery yet tightly gripping heat of their lovely little Hobbit.

Bilbo in turn was sobbing with relief and need, his own cock swelling more after the warm heat of spunk settled inside him. Dori thought with dazed wonder, that perhaps Bilbo needed the feel to get real pleasure.

Then, Bilbo was biting his lower lip hard as he ducked his head down and jerked himself, fast and hard, before spilling one last time. All over Dori's lower belly, and again, every drop was rubbed in, before Bilbo collapsed back against the chair formed by Dori's legs, moonlight glinting off of dampened silver hair.

They both sat that way until they had caught their breath, and then until the moonlight had passed beyond. Bilbo stirring to swing off Dori's legs and then sprawl across the foot of the bed, a low pained groan escaping him as he rolled onto his side.

"Oh, yeah, going to try and get a lot more prep before I do the next group next month." He moaned out. 

Three sets of eyes flew wide, and it was Thorin that growled out, "Next month?" as he sat up from where he had been holding position as told.

"Well yes, you three are definitely pregnant, even Dori had more than enough moonlight to ensure the womb is stable." Bilbo looked up, confused and obviously exhausted, ready to sleep.

"Wait, we are pregnant?" Bofur asked incredulously.

Bilbo shot him a look before gingerly turning enough to sprawl on his belly so he could look at them all without moving too much before he responded as if to a slow child, "Well of course, I can't exactly plant seed in myself, can I? Besides, you three each wanted a child, and Dwarrows are far bigger than hobbits, where on earth did you think they would go?" Bilbo asked, before a jaw cracking yawn overtook him. "Now, I am going to sleep. 'm exhausted."

Suffice it to say, that the three groaned and talked in khuzdul as they slowly shifted about the bed. They argued in low voices, but they agreed that on looking back, the miscommunication was likely as much their own eagerness as anything the Hobbit had done.

And after all, they had taken his innocence. If he had been a maiden, their actions would have been shameful indeed... to so ill use a virgin. Bilbo's poor entrance had been untried before them. And for them he had not only taken one, but three. And in such a harsh position to hold.

No, they would just bear their children, and be grateful to Mahal and Yavanna for the chance to do so.

 

Meanwhile, Bilbo wiggled in his sleep, remembering in the dreams the times when he was a tween, and especially how he had enjoyed dallying with the human shepherd lad. He felt so wonderfully stretched, it had been ages since that lovely time. It was just the number of times he had had to cum so close together that hurt. Even in his dreams his poor cock was chafed.

Of course, knowing the particulars of Hobbit Fertility meant that Oin bowed out of having a child, as he was far too old for such a thing, and he would be better served as healer and midwife for the others.

However, the next month saw both Fili and Kili and Balin and Dwalin receiving the blessing of fruit. They went in that very order, taking a note from Dori's idea, the stronger dwarrows helping Bilbo move as needed.

Of note however is the fact that Fili and Kili both asked to drink directly from Bilbo instead of the cup. Of even larger note is that Bilbo allowed it. And, when Bifur, Ori and Nori came for their turn, there was not a single cup involved, the ritual in fact starting early that morning, to then break up till moonrise that night.

Bombur and Gloin both decided to stay strictly seed giving themselves, as they each had wives at home. It was less than a year before the Dwarrows all had their hands quite full, and it was with light hearts and much hope that the Company headed to the meet Dain's men at the edge of Beorn's land. An army over 500 strong would help Thorin, the life bringer, reclaim Erebor now.

Especially since Bilbo had agreed to help a few more dwarrow that wanted to be able to bear their own children.

After all, once a tree was planted, and had grown to bear fruit, it made no sense to cut it down. And almost all of the Company of Thorin was now both Dwarrow, and Dwarrowdam. Blessed of both Mahal, and his wife.

And Thorin, was the one to bring this secret to his people.

Forever, he would be known, as Life Bringer... and possibly as the Dwarrow Lord who ruled Erebor, with the hobbit, Bilbo Baggins, child of Yavanna, by his side.

But, that is another story.  
And possibly just a fanciful romantic myth.

**Author's Note:**

> AN:  
> I couldn't sleep.  
> So I just said, what the hey! Let's write some crack!  
> So, it's not just a badsex TV tropes fill, it's a badfic badsex TV Tropes fill. Whoops.  
> Er, yeah, anywho, mazel tov, it's an orgy. Look, you wanted crack fills, you got it. :P  
> On that note-  
> http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lttfwqI2VH1qht847.gif
> 
> The tropes I got were:  
> http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/DyingRace  
> http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AdDissonance  
> http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/FirstEpisodeSpoiler  
> http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/OnlyYouCanRepopulateMyRace  
> http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/HopelessAuditionees  
> In that order.
> 
> Okay, at 4 edits I am calling it quits. if I forgot anything- just, I dunno, shoot me a message quoting and pointing out the gaffe?


End file.
